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If you’ve ever had me for a class, you would agree with the following statement about yours truly: I am, most of the time, a glass half empty, skeptical, conspiracy theorist who dwells on the negative.  In fact, during the first class of every semester instead of discussing what I did over break, I discuss the things I did NOT do since the last semester ended.   So in the spirit of me, I give to you the top 10 reasons why I am not looking forward to the MLB playoffs.

10) Must win games.  Let’s get something straight, the only “must win” game in the playoffs is an elimination game.  I’m sick of listening to announcers and analysts talk about how after a team loses game 1, they now must win game 2.  Unless MLB changed the playoff format and 2 wins constitutes a playoff series, then that game is a very important game but it is not a must win.

9) Joe Buck.  He sure isn’t his Dad.

8) The Yankees not winning the World Series.  Listen, I’m a die hard Yankees fan.  Deal with it.  I grew up during the Steinbrenner era of Yankees baseball.  Anything short of a World Series championship is considered a disappointment, and when you add to that the fact that the team has a $200+ million payroll, a playoff exit is not just a disappointment it is a failure.

7) The Yankees winning the World Series.  The Yankees have become rap music.  Even to the biggest fan, they are indefensible.   They are the football captain winning homecoming king.  They are James Cameron winning another Oscar.  They are Donald Trump striking oil.  For the right price, I’m convinced that MLB would just sell them the Commissioner’s Trophy and forego the formalities of playing for it.  And, the Yankees would pay for it by raising ticket prices.

6) FOX/TBS.  The late management guru, Peter Drucker, believed that companies need to stick with what they do best.  When it comes to broadcasting, the Fox network needs to implement this strategy and stick with televising karaoke competitions instead of sport competitions.  TBS, the other playoff network, somehow has taken what Fox does horribly and manages to do it worse.

5) Red Sox fans.  Yes, I know the Sawx (insert your own imitation of an obnoxious Boston accent here) had a wicked bad season and are not in the playoffs, but that doesn’t mean the Nation won’t do something to annoy me from now until the World Series is over.  And stop crying about Randy Moss.

4) The butchering of the National Anthem.  Can Obama please pass legislation that makes it a crime, punishable by death, to allow anyone in any way affiliated with American Idol from performing the Star-Spangled Banner?  No one will ever, ever do a better job than Whitney Houston.  Play the tape and then play ball.

3) Hearing Jay Z’s “Empire State of Mind” every time a game being played at Yankee Stadium comes back from commercial break.  Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the song, it’s just that with every commercial to game segway I hear the song turning into the 00’s “Who let the dogs out?”

2) 8:37 pm EST first pitches.  Thanks MLB for selling your broadcasting rights out to networks that only care about one thing: sponsorship dollars.  The hell with the 6th grader in Cincinnati who is about to “watch” his/her Reds in the playoffs for the first time, we need our corporate sponsor logos & commercials on during prime time.

1) Baseball in general, not just the playoffs, is so damn boring without steroids.

Keith Detjen
Pierce Arrow Blogger

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