Up in Smoke

Cigarettes are bad. Lets just get that out of the way for all the anti-smoking zealots reading this. It is not a good idea to smoke them and they have many, many adverse health effects. Yet there is something magical about puffing on a clove cigarette, which my wannabe hipster self enjoys very much…

…oh did I say “enjoys” there? I meant to say “enjoyed.” I use the past tense because the FDA had to go and ban my favorite kind of cigarettes about a month ago. I have never really been addicted to smoking, but a nice clove cigarette once in a while was just the thing to get me focused or chill me out after a stressful day. Well it has been some time now and I feel like the FDA’s little ban on candy, fruit, and clove flavored cigarettes has done more harm than good in my life. Why? Well. now that I can’t have the occasional clove cigarette I now get stronger urges to smoke one. The fact that I can’t have one once in a while makes me want it all the time. I don’t want to smoke “normal” cigarettes either. Does that make sense? No, but it is what goes down in Robbie Town.

Why did they have to go and ban the only thing I like to smoke? Way more people smoke methanol cigarettes, which are flavored, yet seem to have avoided any kind of ban. Maybe that’s because the big tobacco companies don’t make cash from the clove cigarettes and wanted to get these smaller companies out of the picture. I just want the occasional Djarum Black, but now all I have are these re-released Djarm Black “cigars.” They are kind of the same thing, but they don’t taste nearly as good and don’t have that awesome crackling noise that come from smoking normal clove cigarettes. They are also more expensive, which makes my wallet very, very sad. I could import the real Djarum Blacks, but that would make my wallet REALLY, REALLY sad.

I’m tired of all these nanny laws trying to police what we should or should not put in our bodies. If kids use flavored cigarettes and they end up smoking for a lifetime that is fine, it is their choice. I on the other hand want the choice to smoke what I please without the government getting on my tail. Let people make dumb choices, heck it is a step in the right direction to solve our overpopulation problem (I’m kidding…or am I?). Now I feel like I have an addiction because I can’t get my fix when I occasionally really want it. Thank you FDA for making me feel like an addict…

Robbie Michaelson, Managing Editor
Pierce Arrow Blogger